I could blame this on Birth Control...

...but I won't. I mean, I still feel there is a part of it that makes me think in crazy woman thoughts that only make sense at the time but....

I just had Him come and get all of his things out of my place.

All of it.

I asked if this meant we were over, and he allowed me to have the option of whether or not that was the case. Perhaps it is the times where I always say he could have someone who better fit his needs, etc...

But...There is just something about someone who imposes on my space, my place, and my feelings that I just can't deal with right now.

Then again, there was a fleeting moment where I could just say..."Yes, we are over..." and not have to deal with him anymore.

The past week has been a whirlwind of emotions, and thoughts, and crazy women thinking. Yes, I said it. Women think crazily....sometimes I don't even understand it.

Now that i've partially cooled down from all of this, I wonder what lasting impression I've made on his family. I'm sure they don't like me, never will...but since I'm not going to be a part of it anymore, why do I care?

Birth Control: I warned him. It makes me irrational, crazy, and it's a season pass to a emotion of rollercoasters. Seriously. I'm not even done with my 1st week and I already feel the effects of it.

Why did I send him all those links to houses? I was simply daydreaming, wishing I had a home with a wonderful backyard...

And yet... I still demand him to stay at his place more than mine.

Mixed signals?

Uh, yes.

If I had a psychologist reading my blog, I'm sure he/she would have a diagnosis on me in a heartbeat.

I suppose it was the obnoxious way he gets when he drinks too much. It reminded me too much of Justin, a guy I dated for almost 6 years. Chronic Alcoholism....He's now in the 12 step program and already said his peace to me, but his actions will haunt me forever.

I know it is unfair to compare recent and past relationships, but isn't this just human nature? I mean....It's not that i'm really comparing, more that I am just being revisted by past actions...and it SCARES THE LIVING HELL OUT OF ME.

There is not much that scares me, but that does. I didn't see it in Justin until it was too late....

I guess i'm afraid that I would realize it was too late with Him before I came to the conclusion.

In any case. I'm on the fence. I don't know if i'm single right now, or not. It's the least of my worries. Right now, I have no one to talk to (damn work), and i'm feeling a little lost and scared.

So, i'll just put on my big girl panties, and pretend this isn't going on in my life right now.