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It's official.

So, when are we going to make this official? You know it's not official until it's on Facebook

It is official. I have posted on FB that I am now in a relationship with Andrew Bradley Norris. How long have we actually been seeing one another? Let's just say that our first time seeing one another was on a Tuesday in February...

There has never been someone I can stare into their eyes, and not feel weirded out, or worried about whether or not I have a booger hanging from my nose. I just feel comfortable with him. I don't know if I have tried to justify the fact that we are both older, and we both know what we want...but...it just works.

There are no complaints I have. I hope I can say this in the future as well...but there really aren't.

I just hope there are others out there that can experience something like this---it is uplifting, and wonderful and...yes, I'm getting cornier than ethanol...

To find a guy who doesn't mind your hairy legs, or that extra poundage that you have gained...or waking up to you and having sleepy crustys in your eyes...to have someone that makes you feel like you are the most beautiful person in the entire world, without having to do anything...that is bliss.

He cooks, he is so much more than I've ever had before in the past, and there is a small part of me that wonders when it will all come tumbling and crashing down, but then I remember to live in the moment, and to live in the present. They say you should always love with all of your heart, to truly live and feel, even if you get hurt. I agree. Why hold back when all of the wonderful feelings are there to be felt? I'm sure there is a point where that no longer maintains its validity, but...i have yet to reach that point.

I've been hurt in the past, as most people have been, but we learn, and we move on.

As for everything else...i'm just going to continue to take it day by day, and see what each day brings us. :)

Life is good, I can't complain

Seriously. Life has been absolutely beautiful to me. I cannot complain about the great friends, great people, and wonderful Family i have surrounding me. Although...it is not too perfect, can it ever be?

My Uncle David has contracted a bacterial infection that could possibly be the flesh eating kind. He's definitely struggling, and has just gotten out of surgery.

I do not think of myself as being a very religious person, more spiritual than anything and I found myself sitting on my back stoop, drinking coffee, watching my beautiful dog bask in the sun----i found myself talking to God.

While I don't consider myself to be religious, I still believe in God. I do not take the Bible literally, but symbolically. There are too many authors and too many books and too much time from each book to rely that everything stated in there is exact truth.

Yes, I had a conversation with God. I thanked him for allowing me to wake up every day, for the wonderful friends, and family I have, the awesome support system and the beautiful Earth around me. I also thanked him for bringing Andy into my Life. I truly believe that the 2 of us can grow stronger together through Him.

Religion is a organized system that has some crooked members, just like any other organization. I thought about going to a non-demoninational Church, but have not yet. I did share with Andy that I would probably bounce from one to another until I found one that I like.

I've never really had a relationship where I can be as open as I have been. I do not put on a facade, something I have said in past relationships, but this I believe...is the true deal.

While I do not normally practice Lent, I am this year, in conjunction with Andy. We have decided to not have sex for the passing of Lent...and while our relationship is still blossoming, I find it reassuring that I can share something like this with someone. Is it hard? , 'HELL YEAH!' However, I find that this is something that I have never done before in a relationship---usually it was all physical, and then I dealt with whatever else was along with that...settling.

I am not settling this time. There is no reason to settle. There is, however, a joy I get out of knowing that growing and challenging one another in positive ways is something I have always strived for in a partner, and I hope and pray that this is the one.

I don't know if that is a good thing or not, but I feel comfortable with it.
I am in NO way the perfect person, no one is, but I strive to do what is right and best for the overall good of everything, even if that means I slip sometimes.

So, this blog is mainly about another change I am possibly going through. Away with the single woman and being carefree and often times, stupid. In with the new woman of learning and growing. :)

Just when you thought it was smooth sailing...

This evening/early morning has been quite a rollercoaster for me. To begin it off, I had a visit from the ex, one of which I should have seen (and probably did, subconsciously) coming. He is not over me. I am saddened by this thought, because I have made a point to not look back, but only hoped that it would not come to this.

Just when I have met a guy who has awed me in so many ways, this complication has come into my life.---or rather resurfaced. Being who I am, I am honest to him, and in return, fear that it just may be the demise of the newly created romance. While I am not quite sure when he was hurt by someone who went back to her ex, I saw the fear and angst in his face when I mentioned how my ex tried to make a move on me...

It hurt, and yet I felt so guilty----why? I hate being the cause of anyone's problems, pains, etc. I usually go OUT of my way to not be that person....and yet, here I stand.

In addition, I also feel anger towards my ex----who gives him the right to assume that I am free and available? Granted, the discussion of me seeing a potential did not arise, this being because I did not want to approach the subject and talk about it---then I stand back and wonder why I did not want to tell him.

That brings me to this--i don't want to hurt him anymore than I already have (the Ex)....I know this may seem confusing...it may be the fact that it's almost 3am and I am tired...but coming full circle to the fact that I do not like being the cause of someone's pain.

So there you have it.

Question begs, from Potential and ex----I do not want to get back with my ex. He and I had our dance in Life, and now, i've got another suitor (so to speak).

The wounds are still fresh---i did not think they were, but having him around is not healthy.

In any case---i cannot keep on worrying about everyone else's feelings...Sometimes i get too caught up in that and then forget who I'm trying to ultimately make happy----Me.

Taking it slow.

So, it may come to a shock to some of you reading, and then again, you may already know, but i've met someone.

Not just anyone, but someone who connects with me in a way that I have not felt in awhile. The small things are the ones that really make me happy, and I don't know if it is the 'pre-dance' dating of trying to please someone and it will all go away after time, but....i'm not going to worry about that just yet. I'm going to enjoy everything and in the meantime, get to know him better.

I have a theory: A theory in which if you start a 'relationship' by fucking/having sex/focusing on the physical instead of the excitement of getting to know someone, then it will not work out in the long run. I can count the number of times I have done this in the past, and even if it is a relationship that lasts a few years, or several years---it doesn't work. It hasn't worked.

Obviously, I have feelings for this person, and care enough about the preservation of this turning into something else that I have not given up the goods. We even talked about the theory, and he has the same one. ;)

I'm not expecting too much, but not because i'm a pessimist, only because I'm happy with what is going on now, and *try* not to over analyze anything or rush into it. I'm not in a rush, but i am obviously in a position to live life, and live freely ;)

I still get scared if I think of whether or not this will turn into something serious, so that is why I am *trying* to focus on the here and now.

Bipolar Bitches make me wonder

If the title of this blog is offending anyone, I apologize, and if you are reading this and truly are bipolar, or have the tendencies to do so, then....I apologize in advance. I am only speaking of one particular person, whom I have worked with in the past for several years, and I put up with her crazy stories, lack of self control at times (i suffer from that as well), and everything else in between.

So why is this bothering me so much because I have been unfriended? Because the mental capacities of some people and the irrational decisions they make in a 'high' or 'low' point of their life should be questioned with a sane head before making those decisions.

It's okay-i'm rather glad I will not have to read her rants and raves about how she's having a horrible day, or how people don't know how to treat her right, etc...The truth of the matter is....YOU ARE CRAZY. I don't mean that in an offensive way-just a way that Yes, I acknowledge that you have your moments, I mean...don't we all???

Ask any one person who has worked with this woman. Yes, they would all agree the same. She gets off kilter sometimes. Do we spend our lunchtimes sitting around talking about her and nothing else? No. We spend 2 minutes remarking how insane her latest ranting and raving is, and move on. Why do we talk about it? Wouldn't you if someone spends their lunch break screaming in their vehicle at the top of their lungs?

I know that being bipolar is a chemical imbalance. I know that there are things they cannot sometimes control, but I also know a drama queen when I see one, and also one who will use excuses to ensure their craziness is okay to be that way.

I am no psychologist, I am not an expert on the human mind, although I like to think I am, but i am Faaaaaaaar from that.

Facebook. My parents did not have to deal with this when they were in their twenties. Unfriending a person just because you THINK they are saying something (because I am a firm believer in going straight to the source instead of dealing with triangulation), is immature, and while I am thankful (as previously mentioned) that I will no longer have to read her bitchy posts, I did write her a message letting her know how I felt about her actions.

That being said, I'm perhaps being a drama queen, but I like to think of myself as a good friend, and if i've opened up to you, and confided in you, I only want the same respect. I would not do this to you. I would not make it public to the whole world...but I retaliated so because...well...I thought there was enough 'good' in this person to be a little bit more mature.

Sigh, Sigh, tsk, tsk. I have friends who would not do this to me, and take the friendship I have to offer to a better level then she ever could. That being said, have a nice life and try not to kill anyone in the process. :)

P.s. If you are one of those great friends reading this, I just had to lift this off of my chest. ;)