The weird stage after a relationship...if you want to call it that

I've been thinking for the past few days if its healthy to pursue a friendship/no strings attached relationship with someone who has also gotten out of a relationship recently.

I guess it just really boils down to whether or not the candidate is emotionally stable enough to do so.

I was counseled by my younger sister that the past relationships I have been in have ended with me being the one who makes the other realize that they need to get their lives together...I for one, am tired of being the prepper of these men.

I want a man who is already prepped, and knows what he wants from life. I need someone who has their life squared away and is only needing that puzzle piece of a wife in his life.

Unfortunately, I've been burnt at the idea of having a relationship that will result in marriage.

So some insight was brought to me by my younger sister...in my quest of figuring out myself and how to date, I am going to be careful of not falling in love with a guy who is not ready for what I am ultimately heading towards in the near future.

Until then, i will just continue having my friends, and building friendships, while still continuing to be honest with those that i interact with.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Excuse the typos, I'm typing on an iPad screen.

The moral of every day is to live it as if it were your last....if this were truly the case i think we would be in a world of trouble that only entailed finding a piece of tail....

I wake up every morning, either on my couch, and then make a mad dash to my bed to hopefully get a few hours in and wake up out of bed to feel whole for the day, or I wake up in my bed, with the heating pad on full blast, not wanting to get out of bed. Either which way, I am finding it harder and harder to be motivated to get out of bed.

I'm sure this has something to do with my inability to shut my eyes and go to sleep after being pulled into yet another television series on netflix. This time? Prison Break. I'm sorry, but Wentworth Miller is one damn hot guy, and I can stare at his brooding face forever!

In any case, I need to start living my life that does not entail browsing on Facebook for the first few half hours of my day. There ought to be something a little more rewarding than reading post that I may or may not have rad only a few hours prior to waking up.

That's why Im blogging. Well, that and seeing a few iinspirational people who have recently began doing so and I find that this could possibly be a way for me to feel this self awareness that i feel as though Im lacking.

A whirlwind of....emotions?

I found myself swirling into the abyss of darkness today---with my thoughts, and then I thought....."Am I ignoring things as a defense mechanism?"

I'm sure the correct term would be "in denial."

Perhaps I am.

Self-Awareness. What exactly is it?

I'm not quite sure, but if you find out, please let me know.

I feel as though I lack in this area of Life---self-awareness is one of those commodities that apparently others (family and close friends) say I have, but I feel as though I do not possess it.

Over-analyzing, that's what I do.

Whatever happened to just scratching the surface of an emotion, and then moving on?

What's best to do? Over-analyze, dwell in the past, or live in the now, and get ready for the future?

It's a daily struggle for me.

I've been haunted by the words of an ex: "You will regret treating me the way that you did."

In about ten years (maybe not that long), I will read this and probably have an answer for that.

To date, I do feel bad, but I don't focus on feeling bad because if I did, it'd eat me up inside and out.

I always wanted to be part of the human mind psychology. Perhaps in the future I will be focused on that in a professional manner, however until that day comes, i'll just have to be an amateur about it.

Learning how to be single again.

For those of you who know me, or perhaps do not really know me, I am once again...single. (not that it has happened in the past weeks, this is a few months going now).

Yes, it is something that happens every so often among the years that roll by in my life, and I have never been single for more than a year.

Why? Because I'm stupid enough to find someone that makes my heart go pitter patter, and my loins melt without first looking around, and browsing the other candidates. In addition, my rush to want to get married has probably played a large amount into those decisions.

I have made it my goal to now stay single---for as long as possible. I'm hoping for at least a year. I would like to find myself, and to sew my wild oats, as it is. (not that i haven't done that before in the past, however I think i'm going through a pre-30's 'sew your wild oats' phase....Either that or it is just the recent relationship I have gotten out of that has made me this way).

In any case, i'm learning how to talk to guys, and well...let's just say that I'm not doing too swell in that area.

Why you ask? Well, any time someone starts to get a little possessive, I freeze. Don't get me wrong, I have made it very clear to every guy that I am not looking for anything serious. As a matter of fact, sometimes I wonder when I say these words if they are coming out in a different language because it seems as though they don't hear me say that.

In addition to that, I also tend to be sympathetic to some people, and that has not played in my favor at all. I do not like being known as a 'bitch' but then again, I'm also learning my way back into the social world of dating.

I recently found a book on my bookshelf that I bought over three years ago, prior to the previous relationship I was in: "How to Date in a Post-Dating World." It's actually quite funny, and somewhat insightful.

So what has it come down to? Myself reading a book to show me how to date? No, not really. I have always been strong on using experience in ones self to learn. It's the hard way sometimes, but how will I ever know?

Testing... i can now blog via texting.... is this a good idea?

New Year, New Ideas

I've been told recently in the past few weeks of how I am not a good person, I am evil, and I take advantage of people.

That I know, is a personal opinion, one that I cannot change in their mind, however it did make me stand back for a minute to see if it really was true.

The opinion is completely biased, as I was the one that did the hurting. I am okay with the recent thought of hatred (if you want to call it that), and while I believe in Karma, I am afraid of what it has in store for me for reciprocating the way I did.

In any case, rather than sit scared, waiting to see what Karma has in store for me, i'm flying by the seat of my pants, living Carpe Diem-style and in the midst of all of it, often forgetting to fully think.

I have always been a planner. Well, not always, but my later years in life have taught me that you must plan for the future.

Now i'm taking an approach of living in the NOW. Yes, I know there is possibly some easy happy medium that I can take and use, both utilizing the approach of living NOW and planning for the future....

How do you do it?

I'll let you know when I figure it out.