Insights by David.

The following is taken from a website I stumbled across, and it makes sense to an extent in my head: Let me know what you think......


Over the years I’ve learned dozens of little tricks and insights for making life more fulfilling. They’ve added up to a significant improvement in the ease and quality of my day-to-day life. But the major breakthroughs have come from a handful of insights that completely rocked my world and redefined reality forever.



The world now seems to be a completely different one than the one I lived in about ten years ago, when I started looking into the mechanics of quality of life. It wasn’t the world (and its people) that changed really, it was how I thought of it.



Maybe you’ve had some of the same insights. Or maybe you’re about to.



1. You are not your mind.


The first time I heard somebody say that, I didn’t like the sound of it one bit. What else could I be? I had taken for granted that the mental chatter in my head was the central “me” that all the experiences in my life were happening to.



I see quite clearly now that life is nothing but passing experiences, and my thoughts are just one more category of things I experience. Thoughts are no more fundamental than smells, sights and sounds. Like any experience, they arise in my awareness, they have a certain texture, and then they give way to something else.



If you can observe your thoughts just like you can observe other objects, who’s doing the observing? Don’t answer too quickly. This question, and its unspeakable answer, are at the center of all the great religions and spiritual traditions.



2. Life unfolds only in moments.


Of course! I once called this the most important thing I ever learned. Nobody has ever experienced anything that wasn’t part of a single moment unfolding. That means life’s only challenge is dealing with the single moment you are having right now. Before I recognized this, I was constantly trying to solve my entire life — battling problems that weren’t actually happening. Anyone can summon the resolve to deal with a single, present moment, as long as they are truly aware that it’s their only point of contact with life, and therefore there is nothing else one can do that can possibly be useful. Nobody can deal with the past or future, because, both only exist as thoughts, in the present. But we can kill ourselves trying.



3. Quality of life is determined by how you deal with your moments, not which moments happen and which don’t.


I now consider this truth to be Happiness 101, but it’s amazing how tempting it still is to grasp at control of every circumstance to try to make sure I get exactly what I want. To encounter an undesirable situation and work with it willingly is the mark of a wise and happy person. Imagine getting a flat tire, falling ill at a bad time, or knocking something over and breaking it — and suffering nothing from it. There is nothing to fear if you agree with yourself to deal willingly with adversity whenever it does show up. That is how to make life better. The typical, low-leverage method is to hope that you eventually accumulate power over your circumstances so that you can get what you want more often. There’s an excellent line in a Modest Mouse song, celebrating this side-effect of wisdom: As life gets longer, awful feels softer.




4. Most of life is imaginary.


Human beings have a habit of compulsive thinking that is so pervasive that we lose sight of the fact that we are nearly always thinking. Most of what we interact with is not the world itself, but our beliefs about it, our expectations of it, and our personal interests in it. We have a very difficult time observing something without confusing it with the thoughts we have about it, and so the bulk of what we experience in life is imaginary things. As Mark Twain said: “I’ve been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.” The best treatment I’ve found? Cultivating mindfulness.



5. Human beings have evolved to suffer, and we are better at suffering than anything else.


Yikes. It doesn’t sound like a very liberating discovery. I used to believe that if I was suffering it meant that there was something wrong with me — that I was doing life “wrong.” Suffering is completely human and completely normal, and there is a very good reason for its existence. Life’s persistent background hum of “this isn’t quite okay, I need to improve this,” coupled with occasional intense flashes of horror and adrenaline are what kept human beings alive for millions of years. This urge to change or escape the present moment drives nearly all of our behavior. It’s a simple and ruthless survival mechanism which works exceedingly well for keeping us alive, but it has a horrific side effect: human beings suffer greatly by their very nature. This, for me, redefined every one of life’s problems as some tendril of the human condition. As grim as it sounds, this insight is liberating because it means: 1) that suffering does not necessarily mean my life is going wrong, 2) that the ball is always in my court, so the degree to which I suffer is ultimately up to me, and 3) that all problems have the same cause and the same solution.



6. Emotions exist to make us biased.


This discovery was a complete 180 from my old understanding of emotions. I used to think my emotions were reliable indicators of the state of my life — of whether I’m on the right track or not. Your passing emotional states can’t be trusted for measuring your self-worth or your position in life, but they are great at teaching you what it is you can’t let go of. The trouble is that emotions make us both more biased and more forceful at the same time. Another survival mechanism with nasty side-effects.



7. All people operate from the same two motivations: to fulfill their desires and to escape their suffering.


Learning this allowed me to finally make sense of how people can hurt each other so badly. The best explanation I had before this was that some people are just bad. What a cop-out. No matter what kind of behavior other people exhibit, they are acting in the most effective way they are capable of (at that moment) to fulfill a desire or to relieve their suffering. These are motives we can all understand; we only vary in method, and the methods each of us has at our disposal depend on our upbringing and our experiences in life, as well as our state of consciousness. Some methods are skillful and helpful to others, others are unskillful and destructive, and almost all destructive behavior is unconscious. So there is no good and evil, only smart and dumb (or wise and foolish.) Understanding this completely shook my long-held notions of morality and justice.



8. Beliefs are nothing to be proud of.


Believing something is not an accomplishment. I grew up thinking that beliefs are something to be proud of, but they’re really nothing but opinions one refuses to reconsider. Beliefs are easy. The stronger your beliefs are, the less open you are to growth and wisdom, because “strength of belief” is only the intensity with which you resist questioning yourself. As soon as you are proud of a belief, as soon as you think it adds something to who you are, then you’ve made it a part of your ego. Listen to any “die-hard” conservative or liberal talk about their deepest beliefs and you are listening to somebody who will never hear what you say on any matter that matters to them — unless you believe the same. It is gratifying to speak forcefully, it is gratifying to be agreed with, and this high is what the die-hards are chasing. Wherever there is a belief, there is a closed door. Take on the beliefs that stand up to your most honest, humble scrutiny, and never be afraid to lose them.



9. Objectivity is subjective.


Life is a subjective experience and that cannot be escaped. Every experience I have comes through my own, personal, unsharable viewpoint. There can be no peer reviews of my direct experience, no real corroboration. This has some major implications for how I live my life. The most immediate one is that I realize I must trust my own personal experience, because nobody else has this angle, and I only have this angle. Another is that I feel more wonder for the world around me, knowing that any “objective” understanding I claim to have of the world is built entirely from scratch, by me. What I do build depends on the books I’ve read, the people I’ve met, and the experiences I’ve had. It means I will never see the world quite like anyone else, which means I will never live in quite the same world as anyone else — and therefore I mustn’t let outside observers be the authority on who I am or what life is really like for me. Subjectivity is primary experience — it is real life, and objectivity is something each of us builds on top of it in our minds, privately, in order to explain it all. This truth has world-shattering implications for the roles of religion and science in the lives of those who grasp it.

Don't know what I'm doing... but...

I'm going to use this as a learning experience... whether or not it's a lesson learned shall only be known in the future.

My ex and I are friends, but earlier this week we crossed the line. I say we because it takes two to tango, so yes.

If someone asked me what was going on between the two of us,i wouldn't really know how to answer. Are we back together? Officially, no. Should we get back together? At this time,i cannot say yes or no.

I've been doing something I never do, which is don't ask questions, just do. If you know me, you know this is quite the feat for myself, as I always want to know everything and why.

Hence, the learning experience. I am putting myself out there, and fully preparing myself for WHATEVER may happen. I may get hurry, or something else may happen.... I'll let fate decide... until then, I'm content at what we are doing now.

I would hope he'd have as much respect as I have for him.... we'll see.

Wow. I'm such a girl.

So....we hung out again last night. It was definitely an eye opener, and I'm really glad that this is a lot easier on him than it is on me.

Apparently he is surprised at this new found reality as well.

It's easier for him to turn on the friend mode and turn off any other feelings. I guess I was anticipating just the opposite. He never ceases to amaze me. The same goes with the scenario when we both decided to quit smoking. I figured the guy that smoked through almost a pack a day would be the one to have the most trouble---nope.

In any case, we are sitting there at BWW, and I am on my 2nd or 3rd beer. At this time, I start telling him that I have to be a girl, and ask questions. I get my answers. I am enthralled, happy, but sad....

Why is it easier for him?

This is what I wanted, right? And I got it...so why do i have this empty feeling in me?

I guess I can believe that he's just lying to himself, and this is really killing him...but let's not lie to ourselves.

This is what I wanted, this is what I got. We are still friends, and we can keep our emotions at that.

Now....now I can see the old Crystal coming out, or at least wanting to. "You don't want me? Well fine! I'll find someone who does!"

Looking for love in all the wrong places....tsk tsk tsk.

Eh.

I've found some peace.

So...He came over last night. I cooked dinner for him. I also found that we had come to a mutual agreement that we both decided being together was not for us, but to throw away the relationship we built (friendship) would be a waste. Therefore, we have come to a mutual agreement on something. Finally.

I feel better. A lot better.

It's over.

I tried to work things out, but stubbornness has preceded that ability. That, and the fact that it takes 2 to work things out.

Here's to being single again.

I could blame this on Birth Control...

...but I won't. I mean, I still feel there is a part of it that makes me think in crazy woman thoughts that only make sense at the time but....

I just had Him come and get all of his things out of my place.

All of it.

I asked if this meant we were over, and he allowed me to have the option of whether or not that was the case. Perhaps it is the times where I always say he could have someone who better fit his needs, etc...

But...There is just something about someone who imposes on my space, my place, and my feelings that I just can't deal with right now.

Then again, there was a fleeting moment where I could just say..."Yes, we are over..." and not have to deal with him anymore.

The past week has been a whirlwind of emotions, and thoughts, and crazy women thinking. Yes, I said it. Women think crazily....sometimes I don't even understand it.

Now that i've partially cooled down from all of this, I wonder what lasting impression I've made on his family. I'm sure they don't like me, never will...but since I'm not going to be a part of it anymore, why do I care?

Birth Control: I warned him. It makes me irrational, crazy, and it's a season pass to a emotion of rollercoasters. Seriously. I'm not even done with my 1st week and I already feel the effects of it.

Why did I send him all those links to houses? I was simply daydreaming, wishing I had a home with a wonderful backyard...

And yet... I still demand him to stay at his place more than mine.

Mixed signals?

Uh, yes.

If I had a psychologist reading my blog, I'm sure he/she would have a diagnosis on me in a heartbeat.

I suppose it was the obnoxious way he gets when he drinks too much. It reminded me too much of Justin, a guy I dated for almost 6 years. Chronic Alcoholism....He's now in the 12 step program and already said his peace to me, but his actions will haunt me forever.

I know it is unfair to compare recent and past relationships, but isn't this just human nature? I mean....It's not that i'm really comparing, more that I am just being revisted by past actions...and it SCARES THE LIVING HELL OUT OF ME.

There is not much that scares me, but that does. I didn't see it in Justin until it was too late....

I guess i'm afraid that I would realize it was too late with Him before I came to the conclusion.

In any case. I'm on the fence. I don't know if i'm single right now, or not. It's the least of my worries. Right now, I have no one to talk to (damn work), and i'm feeling a little lost and scared.

So, i'll just put on my big girl panties, and pretend this isn't going on in my life right now.

Remember that last post?

I certainly remember that last post i had. I felt like I was going to explode with emotions. It all makes sense now----Aunt Flow came to town after being MIA for a couple of months...Thank goodness, is all I have to say to that.

And...on top of all of it, I was able to share my thoughts and concerns with my boyfriend. We are better now, because of it...at least for the time being.

Is that me being pessimistic? Possibly.

In any case, I am now dreading all of the future possibilities of my job, or even potential job. I do not see a future for myself in the position I am in right now, and was even approached today to take on a lateral move to a different location here in Nashville, but I do not know. I like to be the unique person, the one that has something no one else has. In addition, my phlebtomoy training has been coming along, and I wanted to be more of a autonomous individual in what I can offer this company I work for....

Hrm....We never know what we really want, I guess more than anything, at the moment, I want stability and also a better paycheck.

Does this involve me going to another company? I'm sure. But when you've been with the same company for 10 years....it's hard to leave. Sure, if I were to hear that I am getting laid off soon, It would be bittersweet. I would take the unemployment and be jobless for a few weeks, but then i'd be going right back to work somewhere.

Honestly, I really want to start a family. I'm finally saying it out loud, and yes, my boyfriend knows this, but I don't know how much he knows this. Totally ironic considering the fact that I've just started taking BC this past weekend....HA!

In any case....I've quit smoking, quit starbucks (well, not quit altogether, but no more triple grande peppermint mocha's everyday)....AND i've quit drinking an energy drink everyday.

I'm au natural now. It feels kind of good, but then it doesn't.

Am I subliminally prepping my body to encompass a baby? I've learned from my ex that if God wanted me to have a child, he'd allow it to happen. God obviously doesn't think it's a good time for me...not then, and not now. I will continue to patiently wait....