Wow. I'm such a girl.

So....we hung out again last night. It was definitely an eye opener, and I'm really glad that this is a lot easier on him than it is on me.

Apparently he is surprised at this new found reality as well.

It's easier for him to turn on the friend mode and turn off any other feelings. I guess I was anticipating just the opposite. He never ceases to amaze me. The same goes with the scenario when we both decided to quit smoking. I figured the guy that smoked through almost a pack a day would be the one to have the most trouble---nope.

In any case, we are sitting there at BWW, and I am on my 2nd or 3rd beer. At this time, I start telling him that I have to be a girl, and ask questions. I get my answers. I am enthralled, happy, but sad....

Why is it easier for him?

This is what I wanted, right? And I got it...so why do i have this empty feeling in me?

I guess I can believe that he's just lying to himself, and this is really killing him...but let's not lie to ourselves.

This is what I wanted, this is what I got. We are still friends, and we can keep our emotions at that.

Now....now I can see the old Crystal coming out, or at least wanting to. "You don't want me? Well fine! I'll find someone who does!"

Looking for love in all the wrong places....tsk tsk tsk.

Eh.